Raina’s eyes flutter sleepily. A soft sigh ruffles from her lips as I rock her in my arms, preparing to lay her down for her morning nap. Then – a blood-curdling scream from the hallway. I open the door to find my two older children engaged in yet another battle over a favorite book. Sadie’s scream awakens Raina, and she joins in with her own unhappy bellow. I quickly beseech the Lord for patience – and KINDNESS – and correct my two big girls, reminding them their sin has now affected each person in our household. I snuggle Raina a few more minutes while herding Elisa and Sadie back to their bedroom – where they were supposed to be pulling on clothes for the day. Ten minutes later, Raina is tucked in bed, and the three of us scuttle downstairs for our preschool time. Just as we delve into our week’s story I hear Raina, who has had an ongoing cold, cough herself awake, much too early. When I return to the schoolroom with my now grumpy baby I find Sadie scribbling with marker on the craft table. Ahhh!
My dear friend Erin – sweet mama of two little ones – recently asked me to share some thoughts about how I have learned to juggle the demands of multiple children. I wanted to share some practical ideas and some lofty ideals, but I also wanted to make it clear that trying to manage my home faithfully does not look like peaceful children, tidy rooms, or seamlessly moving from one memory-making activity to the next. I wish it did! Rather, it looks a lot more like laughing through the chaos. It looks like offering training and discipline to my children while nursing my baby or changing a soiled diaper. It looks like family Advent devotions peppered with childish interruptions rather than three kids sitting quietly and interestedly. Like having three screaming all at once and trying, instead of despairing, to take in all the raucous of that moment and just thank God for those three yelling voices.
So – as you learn to “manage” the day-to-day responsibilities and joys of multiple little ones, give yourself and your children lots of grace. There are plenty of practical things to try – but most importantly, enjoy these frantic, messy, chaotic moments. Each day is an opportunity to enjoy your children – and to teach them and train them in the busy milieu of life. That said – here a few a few practical tidbits on how daily life works in our noisy, fun, bustling home. :)
Start Your Mornings Right
So… I write this little snippet humbly, because I don’t do it every morning. I try. But I fail, often. I have found that our day goes so much more smoothly if I am faithful to get up early, shower, dress, and fix myself a quiet cup of tea to drink while reading my Bible. If your baby is still nursing at night, this isn’t practical. But I am so blessed by those moments of refreshing myself in the Word. More than anything else, we mommys need to be replenished by the word of God and renewed by the Holy Spirit day by day. We need to surrender our little ones to the Lord and ask Him to show us how to love them in His grace.
A Little Routine Goes a Long Way
With the addition of our third baby, it became very evident to me that my older kids needed structure in order to maintain peace. I read a wonderful book called Steady Days that really helped me implement a planned routine. We had art time, scheduled play time with certain toys, baking time, outside time, story time – all on a routine. The kids knew what to expect next, and that made it much easier to care for Raina in the midst of two toddlers. I could say, “It’s time to play with your trains now. Go grab the basket and come set it up at my feet while I nurse your sister.” Now, our routine is much more relaxed, but every morning, we eat breakfast, clean up, and then head upstairs to get dressed and ready. I put Raina down while the big girls dress themselves – which doesn’t always work – see story above. Then we have school. Usually we have outdoor play before lunch, and after lunch, nap or rest.
And So Does a Little Flexibility
Having said that, I am also learning to go with the flow. Like – it’s the first snow day! Let’s scrap our routine and spend all day playing outside! If you are really enjoying your current activity, don’t be a slave to the schedule. Just go with it!
Keep Life Simple by Limiting Activities
This is definitely a matter of preference, and I have friends who prefer to have at least one or two out of the home activities each day. I would rather keep our outings to a minimum. It gives the kids ample rest at home, and it allows our lives to be centered around the simple joys of home. Right now the girls are in ballet class and AWANA. Those are our two weekly activities. Every three weeks we also attend story hour at the library and select a new round of books to check out. Occasionally we might also head to the free art class at the museum. My choice – because it is simpler, quieter, and “homier” is to base activities from home. Cross-country skiing in the yard, a walk, games on the floor, a craft project, a messy baking endeavor… I love planning creative ways to enjoy our life at home together.
Learn to Say No
I think it is so important for our children to see us serve. They need to have servanthood modeled for them – both as we selflessly serve them, and as we reach out to others. But, we have to balance opportunities for service carefully. I have chosen to serve as the Cubbies leader in our AWANAs program. It works well for us because the kids are a part of the program, and Erik is available to care for Raina. On the other hand, I just told our nursery coordinator I wasn’t willing to serve on Sunday mornings until Raina is down to one nap. We keep all three kids in the service with us, and Raina naps very well in my arms. I wasn’t willing to “mess with” my daughter’s nap in order to play with other kids. Maybe that seems silly – but for me, choosing where to serve is a lot about whether I can take on that responsibility without creating a deficit in my kids’ lives. My family is first. So – when the opportunity is a meal to a shut-in or new mama, we say emphatically “yes!” When it is notes to our Compassion children – you bet! But when something conflicts with my family priorities, I am learning to say “Not now.”
Clean As You Go
For me, this is important. If I leave the breakfast dishes until dinner, that is overwhelming to me! Or if the laundry is stacked to the ceiling, I want to close the door on it instead of tackling it. I try to clean up each mess as it is made – with the kids’ involvement as much as possible. Sometimes I do leave a big mess until they are napping. It’s easier. But I try to tackle it, then, as soon as they are all down.
I have a basic cleaning routine where all the “majors” should get done once a week. For me, it is more important to have a tidy, welcoming home than to have a spotless one. I would prefer to light clean the bathrooms once a week rather than letting the grime build up until I have time to deep clean. I want our home to be prepared for hospitality at any time – and right now that means sort of “majoring on the majors and minoring on the minors.” I don’t clean my grout with a toothbrush, but I do wipe down the bathroom with my handy Norwex cloths once a week. I don’t vacuum the ceiling, but I do dust and keep the floors vacuumed. I feel more peaceful and efficient in an organized home. I am also learning to relax and let certain things go.
Read to Your Kids
Stories are calming. When you sit down to nurse the baby and the older kids clamor for attention, tell them to grab a book and cozy up with you. When they fuss at the witching hour of 5:00, grab a basket of books and let them read while you cook. Books are sort of magical in our house.
Guard Against Time Wasters
Time with our kids is precious. And so is the time when they sleep and we recover! :) I am learning to use that time carefully. I don’t turn the computer on until they are all napping or resting. And I give myself only about 5-10 minutes to check emails or blogs. It is too easy to sit down and waste those moments in idleness, instead of caring for my household, spending time with the Lord, or preparing for the evening. And certainly the Internet isn’t the only temptation, but I know it is often the easiest to fall prey to. And, obviously it isn’t inherently bad. It’s wonderful to stay connected that way. But it shouldn’t prevent us from faithfully serving our families.
Love and Hug Your Kids
Sometimes when my kids are naughty, my instinct is not to give them a warm, cuddly snuggle. But that’s when they need it most! Elisa is so intuitive. She has nailed this – often. “Mommy, I just haven’t gotten enough hugs today. That’s why I can’t be good.”
Hug them often and relish their smallness. They are growing so fast. Elisa is so tall and lean and grown up these days. Her hair hangs down her back and she is just this amazing GIRL – no longer a pudgy toddler. But she’ll still nestle gladly in my lap and I am thankful.
Enjoy this season. Live in the moment – all the clichés that are true in spite of themselves. :)
Erin also asked me about how we prepare for Christmas. I am running out of time, as the kids will be up soon, but will share briefly. Our preparations center around our Advent Tree Devotions. I love this. We have done it with paper previously, but this year made a felt and fabric version. It’s taken from a book called “Family Celebrations.” Each day has a brief devotion and a corresponding ornament to place on the tree.
I also have spent time creating a list of projects and activities to do with the girls: gingerbread houses, cookies, homemade cards, homemade candy canes, spice ornaments for grandparents, loaves of bread to deliver to neighbors… I scheduled those loosely on our calendar. Christmas music as lullabies – the girls love “Angels We Have Heard on High!” Christmas stories accessible in a basket downstairs. Choosing an ornament together from the church’s Noel tree – a gift for someone in need. All simple things, but trying to make each day meaningful in a small way.
We don’t “do” Santa – for a variety of reasons. We want everything about our celebration to speak of Jesus, and Santa - who, by the way, only gives gifts to GOOD children(totally opposite our gracious God who gave His Son while we were yet sinners) - muddles that message. Another great book helps with this. Lisa Whelchel wrote a book called the ADVENTure of Christmas that explains how each Christmas tradition can be a springboard for sharing the true message of Christmas. Awesome.
Messy kitchen as we make a gingerbread house. It tumbled a few hours later as we decorated, so we'll have to try again. :)
Constant state of our living room as wet clothes dry by the fire
Advent tree
Our real tree :)
