Like Mother, Like Daughter
“Elisa,” I say, struggling to keep my voice calm and steady. “Come here.” With a cackle, my blonde-haired vixen turns on her itty-bitty heel and barrels – full-speed – the other direction. My blood pressure rises. Only moments ago, she received a spanking for pushing baby Sadie, then returned to the playroom and promptly snatched a toy from her sister’s hand. Is she really going to choose to defy me again – so quickly? I set Sadie down on the floor and settle her with a different toy before catapulting after my wayward two-year-old. Softly, gently, I direct Elisa again to come, crouching down to her level and willing her to meet my gaze with those firecracker brown eyes of hers. She laughs again, twirls in a circle, and traipses toward the kitchen, ignoring her mama’s command for the second time. This time, I catch her in my arms and hold her firmly against my chest. She flails as I carry her to the dreaded red, overstuffed chair.
I pin wild limbs to her side and lift her defiant chin up. “Elisa, did Mommy tell you to come?”
She turns her head and clamps her mouth shut.
I try again. “Elisa Joy, did Mommy tell you to come?” My voice is rising. I don’t want to discipline her in anger, and yet, her unwillingness to comply frustrates my heart in a way I don’t quite understand. I wait for her to respond, trying to still my own churning emotions.
As I wait, something in my spirit quiets. I stroke her hair, then kiss the top of her head. Even when she is unlovable, I realize, I love her. Funny how God instills that capacity within us. He equips parents to love their children with the unquenchable, unconditional agape love He has for us! How often, I wonder, have I responded just like my daughter? How often have I hid, turned away, or run from the chastisement I know I deserve? How many times have I reaped consequences for my sin, only to backpedal into the same defiant behavior? How many times have I ducked my head in silent humiliation while my Heavenly Papa reaches out to me in love? Like mother, like daughter.
Sitting there, I think about how God’s heart is always toward us. He is always seeking to restore the broken relationship with His child. He wants our souls to be clean, forgiven. He wants us to receive His mercy and then move forward to walk closer in step with Him.
My motives are not always so pure. Sometimes, when I discipline my child, I am doing so with a selfish heart. She has embarrassed me, or inconvenienced me, and I desire to change her behavior for my own sake. But the point of discipline is to teach our children about sin, and repentance, about forgiveness, and mercy. It’s to lead them to the foot of the cross.
I don’t always know how to do that. Sometimes life in our home is chaotic, and it’s all I can do to plop Elisa in a time-out and send her back on her way. But, pondering the ways of my Heavenly Father, I am humbled. My mama’s heart swells with mercy – the mercy Christ has poured out on me, the mercy I am called to pour out on others.
I cup Elisa’s face in my hands and hold her firmly so that she can see my expression. “Elisa,” I whisper. “I love you.”
She wiggles, trying to writhe out of my grasp, but I hold fast. “Do you know that I love you?” Reluctantly she nods, and snarled strands of peanut-butter crusted hair swing forward. “God has entrusted me to raise you. And you know what, sweetie? That’s a big job.” I fold her fingers in my hands and bend my forehead to hers. “Before I discipline you, let’s pray.” And I do, thanking God for the gift of my child, asking for His wisdom as I teach her and train her, beseeching him to soften her heart to my instruction and praying that she would come to understand His grace and walk always in His ways. I know she doesn’t understand all the words. But I think she hears the soft surrender in my voice, and I feel the stiffness in her little body begin to melt away.
“Elisa?” I ask again. “Did you obey Mommy or disobey Mommy?”
Quietly she answers. “Disobey Mommy.”
“When Mommy says come, what should you do?”
“Come to Mommy.”
“That’s right. You need to obey Mommy. God has put Mommy in authority over you, and by learning to obey Mommy, you are learning to obey Him.”
A nod.
“When Sadie is playing with a toy, are you supposed to take it away from her?”
Her little head shakes. “No. Ask her.”
“That’s right.” I cuddle her and remind her that she loves Sadie, and that love is not selfish. I tell her that I love her to much to allow her sin to grow in her heart, and, after issuing a spanking, I hug her tightly.
She is a lot like her mommy. My Elisa is stubborn and strong-willed, wild-spirited and curious. But Elisa is also tender-hearted, teachable and full of life. I pray the lessons I give her – the ones that right now go so far over her adorable little head – will go down deep into the soil of her heart. I pray she will grow in the grace and truth of her God, and that someday she will pass these fumbling words onto her own daughter.
Like mother, like daughter.
