Grace for the Good Girl

Recently, I won a giveaway for a book. It was so exciting to receive the book in the mail. I don't really get excited about new "things." New babies, yes. The new car in our garage (well, old car, new to us) - not so much. New books, now, that is really exciting!

The book is called "Grace for the Good Girl," by Emily Freeman. I was reading the description to my hubby, and he said, "Yeah, you need to read that one." I do.

I have always been a good girl. I never rebelled. I never drank. I made straight As. I wore white on my wedding day. I work hard and keep my word. And sometimes I forget that my worth to the One who made me is not defined by my "disciplined life," or my "hard work with a sweet disposition." When you're a perfectionist people-pleaser, you feel "good" when you have it all together, and you feel worthless when you don't. Sometimes you wear yourself trying to be "good enough."

This season of life has been a bit undoing. Four months of nausea, followed closely on the heels by a month-long respiratory bug, and then, more recently, a bout of pleurisy (painful inflammation in my lungs) that knocked me off my feet for a few days.... I don't feel like I have been able to keep up with anything! Not the house, not my quiet times.... our homeschool is down to bare-bones without any creativity, I haven't baked anything but cookies in months, and my little monkeys have spent more than their fair share of time quarantined indoors. I do NOT feel like a good mom. Or a good wife. Or a good Christian. The Lord has been so gracious to meet our needs and I really have managed just fine. But in my heart - fine is just not good enough.

Do you know what I mean? Are you that way, too?

Erik and I had a good chuckle last night when I read him this portion of the book.

Good Mom makes breakfast and smiles a lot. Good Mom always remembers to notice, compliment and encourage. She is fun and funny. She plays dolls with pleasure, and even makes up pretend scenarios to make the play go longer. Her patience is limitless and she never raises her voice. She wakes up early every morning and spends time with Jesus. She is consistent and kind. She makes cookies from scratch. She plays outside even when it's really hot. She builds forts with blankets in the living room. Her house is always clean, her produce is always fresh, and she has a garden with flowers and vegetables. She can sing. She makes puppets out of socks. Her kids never watch TV because they are totally satisfied to listen to the riveting, captivating stories their Good Mom makes up. Every night. (p. 31)

What really made us laugh is that my response at first was to go, "Oh... I need to do that! I need to play more dolls. And I need to build forts. And I've never made a sock puppet! And, oohhh.... I totally yelled today!" And then I remembered -- the point of the book was that I was supposed to stop striving all the time (in my own human effort) to be GOOD. And, oops, I wasn't supposed to try to emulate her description of the Good Mom. I needed to keep reading. :)

I haven't finished the book. In fact, I'm only on chapter three. But I totally identify with that straining to be good and then feeling like I don't measure up every time I hit snooze, or react impatiently, or pour bottled spaghetti sauce on noodles and call it dinner.

I get the concept of grace. I teach it to my kids. But I still forget. So, I am looking forward to the book. Because I know I'm not good enough. But Jesus is!