My Valentine's Bouquet

This weekend, Erik and I were in the grocery store together and I made him promise not to buy me roses for Valentine's Day. I know he loves me deeply because he shows me every day. I don't need over-priced Valentine's red roses to prove it. :) So... on Monday, my darling hubby stayed home from church with sick Sadie and sleepy Raina while I took Elisa to Cubbies. I came home to a tidy house, two sleeping children, and this beautiful paper bouquet on the table. Erik had cut up a wildflower poster (we have a stack of random posters leftover from a fundraiser for Erik's dad's work; the girls draw on them!), and written reasons why he loves me on each paper bud. I love it! It is the best bouquet of flowers I have ever been given. Do I have an amazing husband or what??

My Little Girls

A few nights ago, I sat down with a cup of tea and a pen to write down some New Year's sorts of goals for my children... things I want to focus on this year in my training. Goals for learning, goals for behavior, goals for spiritual understanding. I also wrote down ways I thought I could demonstrate love to them - practically, tangibly, in ways meaningful to their unique personalities. And I thought through the areas I see the Lord already working in them, so that I can encourage their little hearts. As I scribbled thoughts, Erik leafed through the Bible to find special verses for them. It was a sweet, simple time of just thinking about my kids - about who they are, how God has created them so uniquely, and how I can respond faithfully to them as precious disciples. It was fun to sort of mentally describe my little girls. I only did this for the two oldest, but even little Raina has such a sweet, spunky, unique personality. I won't share all my goals with you, but I thought you might enjoy some thoughts on who these little munchkins are!


Raina Abigail. She is almost 11 months. Oh, this little girl is trouble!:) No, truly she is sweet. She has a heart-melting smile with six teeth. She does goofy bouncing sorts of dances when she is excited, and she waves her arms in the air. She screams when she wants something. She had been doing really well with signing, but I think she is getting more impatient lately - especially around food. She loves to eat. Anything. We have yet to find a food she refuses. She loves any kind of soup or casserole. She loves beans. She loves veggies and fruit and bread and eggs and meat and cheese. She is starting to feed herself with a spoon, which is a bit messy, but she concentrates hard and actually takes very dainty bites.

She stands independently for about a minute at times, and she cruises everywhere but has only ever taken one tumbling step. She crawled before six months, and she is fast! One day, Elisa carried her to me as I was washing dishes, and said innocently, "Look what little baby I found at the top of the stairs!" Yikes! :)

She naps twice during the day - both are usually pretty short. Every once in a while she'll sleep an hour and half, but they are typically 30 minutes to an hour. Bedtime is at 6:30, and she will usually sleep until 6:00. I know it sounds crazy, but I actually love having her get up early. I can nurse her, change her, have some quiet time while plays on the floor, and get breakfast started - all before the big girls come downstairs at 7:00. Some days it actually works that smoothly, some days it doesn't. :)

She waves - super cutely - and says a fairly discernible "bye-bye." She also says "ma-ma." Those are about her only two "real" words at this point, although she says a lot of other things! :) We are just beginning to learn "no." She doesn't quite get it. If I give her hand a careful swat, she laughs and claps her hands together.

She is darling and content and pleasant. I also think she is going to be a busy, into everything, slightly strong-willed little peanut. And I love her.

Sadie Pearl. Oh, sweet Sadie girl. She is my helter-skelter, flighty, roly-poly, goofy, grinning, happy, sweet, funny, dancing, dreaming little girl. I don't even know how to describe her. She has this amazing sense of humor and timing. She is not shy - and gladly talks to anyone, big or small. She is absolutely adorable. She has this round barrel tummy that doesn't seem to get any smaller. :) She can't focus on a task to save her life - but she can listen to stories for hours. She loves to help. She loves to give. This munchkin would give you the coat off her back. She is kind. She is silly. She is so amazingly smart in some ways, but she is also just her own person. She doesn't have an interest in learning letters yet, and I have just decided that it is okay! She notices and remembers details I pay no attention to. She articulates herself beautifully and is a fabulous story-teller. She sings. All the time.

In settling squabbles, Sadie is almost always the screaming victim. (In our house, an ungodly reaction receives equal consequences to the perpetrator, but she hasn't figured out that if she doesn't scream, only Elisa is disciplined!:))

She still naps every day for about 2 hours. She got skates and skis this year, and is very balanced and steady on both - but she is slow. It is pretty cute. Little Sadie. You just can't hurry her!

Sadie is wonderful. At the risk of overusing the word, she is really just sweet. Completely, amazingly sweet. She plods through each day at her own happy, slow pace, enjoying the beauty around her and tasting each snowflake. She dances through life - literally. And you know what? I love her, too.

Elisa Joy. My vibrant firstborn. Sometimes I feel like Elisa is the little girl in the old nursery rhyme. Do you remember this one? "There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good, she was very very good. And when she was bad, she was horrid." Elisa is amazing. She is determined and strong. She is such a take-charge girl. She loves to create games for her and Sadie to play and direct Sadie on all aspects of play. She loves to take charge of Raina - helping me by feeding her, or just carrying her around the house (which I have just started allowing with certain rules in place.) She loves caring for her dolls and rocking them to sleep. She loves planning pretend parties for all the household "babies." She is sweet and helpful and sometimes we have these incredibly grown-up, pleasant, insightful conversations. She pays attention to everything, and wants to know all the details of whatever Erik and I are discussing. :) She is tender and nurturing and sweetly mature.

However, when she doesn't feel like being tender and sweet (usually in the late afternoons when she still sort of needs a nap, but doesn't take one anymore), she can be a very challenging little girl. She has wild streak that tends towards meanness during those times and I have to really pray for God's wisdom - to speak His truth from His word and try to reach her heart. Sometimes I know that she just needs an extra snuggle and a chapter from Laura Ingalls Wilder. Or - she needs to strap on her skis and do some loops around the yard! :)

For all her leadership tendencies, Elisa is also very shy. She is quiet in unfamiliar settings and we are working on being polite and friendly when meeting new people!

She loves reading with Mom - and is learning to read on her own. She has begun sounding out simple words, and she loves writing. One of her favorite things is to write notes - and she will often be the one to remind me, "Let's write a thank you note to Gramma," or "Let's send a letter to Nana." I think she will be a wonderful encourager in that way. She is learning to sew and she is dying to make her own rag doll like Laura has in the Little House books. She is terrific cross-country skier. She is so fast. I can pull the other girls, and she will match my pace until she tires, then hang on the back and let me pull her.

Last week, we celebrated her 5th birthday. She could not decide what kind of a party to have, and she finally just told me, "I want to have just Gramma and Grampa over for pizza and cupcakes and then go for a night ski." So, we did. She and Sadie got headlamps for Christmas, and she was pretty happy to strap hers on and ski through the moonlit dark. It was a breathtaking night - cold and clear and with a dazzling full moon.

Elisa is a paradox in so many ways, and I am constantly trying to figure out how to train her gently, keep her challenged as my bright and busy oldest child, and just enjoy her strong, endearing personality. And - yup - I love her, too.

Christmas Without Pictures

One of the joys and the challenges of being "outnumbered" parents is that your hands are always full! :) We have had a wonderful winter, filled with family and snow and playing outdoors, adventures, good food, and sweet moments with our little girls. But you know what? I have no pictures. None. In those precious Kodak moments, Erik and I just shrug at each other. The camera is deeply buried, and our hands are filled with fun, busy, playing, laughing, sometimes screaming little girls. :)

So... here are the highlights of our holiday season, with no photos to display alongside the words.

• Michelle arrived the 23rd, and we spent the night at Teton Science School, where Erik's extended family had overtaken the guest lodging and dining facilities. We decorated a tree in the main lodge and played cards with uncles, aunts and cousins I had previously only met at weddings.
  
• A ski/snowmobile trip to Granite Hot Springs on Christmas Eve. A beautiful candlelit church service, then staying up late and watching the Nativity story while our Poteca bread was baking.
• Christmas morning at home. We were thankful to have the opportunity for a quieter morning with our little ones and my sister and then spend the rest of the day with the larger Wachob/Hanks crowd. Sweet Raina opened one gift and then slept through the rest of her presents. :) I laughed. Is she the neglected third child, or what?
• Christmas Day ski and snowshoe, an elk refuge sleigh ride, lots of Christmas cookies, and endless cups of Becky's homemade cocoa
• more time with Michelle, including a ski up Death Canyon trail. We didn't make it very far. :)
• time with friends Dan and Beth, and their baby Abby
  
• My mom arrived New Year's Eve, and we had a wonderful week with her - ice skating, more skiing, Thai food, and low-key days at home
• friends from CO for Erik's birthday and another big ski to the hot springs
  

Now, it's back to normal. Maybe now I'll have time to take pictures! :)

For Mommies

Raina’s eyes flutter sleepily. A soft sigh ruffles from her lips as I rock her in my arms, preparing to lay her down for her morning nap. Then – a blood-curdling scream from the hallway. I open the door to find my two older children engaged in yet another battle over a favorite book. Sadie’s scream awakens Raina, and she joins in with her own unhappy bellow. I quickly beseech the Lord for patience – and KINDNESS – and correct my two big girls, reminding them their sin has now affected each person in our household. I snuggle Raina a few more minutes while herding Elisa and Sadie back to their bedroom – where they were supposed to be pulling on clothes for the day. Ten minutes later, Raina is tucked in bed, and the three of us scuttle downstairs for our preschool time. Just as we delve into our week’s story I hear Raina, who has had an ongoing cold, cough herself awake, much too early. When I return to the schoolroom with my now grumpy baby I find Sadie scribbling with marker on the craft table. Ahhh!

My dear friend Erin – sweet mama of two little ones – recently asked me to share some thoughts about how I have learned to juggle the demands of multiple children. I wanted to share some practical ideas and some lofty ideals, but I also wanted to make it clear that trying to manage my home faithfully does not look like peaceful children, tidy rooms, or seamlessly moving from one memory-making activity to the next. I wish it did! Rather, it looks a lot more like laughing through the chaos. It looks like offering training and discipline to my children while nursing my baby or changing a soiled diaper. It looks like family Advent devotions peppered with childish interruptions rather than three kids sitting quietly and interestedly. Like having three screaming all at once and trying, instead of despairing, to take in all the raucous of that moment and just thank God for those three yelling voices.

So – as you learn to “manage” the day-to-day responsibilities and joys of multiple little ones, give yourself and your children lots of grace. There are plenty of practical things to try – but most importantly, enjoy these frantic, messy, chaotic moments. Each day is an opportunity to enjoy your children – and to teach them and train them in the busy milieu of life. That said – here a few a few practical tidbits on how daily life works in our noisy, fun, bustling home. :)

Start Your Mornings Right

So… I write this little snippet humbly, because I don’t do it every morning. I try. But I fail, often. I have found that our day goes so much more smoothly if I am faithful to get up early, shower, dress, and fix myself a quiet cup of tea to drink while reading my Bible. If your baby is still nursing at night, this isn’t practical. But I am so blessed by those moments of refreshing myself in the Word. More than anything else, we mommys need to be replenished by the word of God and renewed by the Holy Spirit day by day. We need to surrender our little ones to the Lord and ask Him to show us how to love them in His grace.

A Little Routine Goes a Long Way

With the addition of our third baby, it became very evident to me that my older kids needed structure in order to maintain peace. I read a wonderful book called Steady Days that really helped me implement a planned routine. We had art time, scheduled play time with certain toys, baking time, outside time, story time – all on a routine. The kids knew what to expect next, and that made it much easier to care for Raina in the midst of two toddlers. I could say, “It’s time to play with your trains now. Go grab the basket and come set it up at my feet while I nurse your sister.” Now, our routine is much more relaxed, but every morning, we eat breakfast, clean up, and then head upstairs to get dressed and ready. I put Raina down while the big girls dress themselves – which doesn’t always work – see story above. Then we have school. Usually we have outdoor play before lunch, and after lunch, nap or rest.

And So Does a Little Flexibility

Having said that, I am also learning to go with the flow. Like – it’s the first snow day! Let’s scrap our routine and spend all day playing outside! If you are really enjoying your current activity, don’t be a slave to the schedule. Just go with it!

Keep Life Simple by Limiting Activities

This is definitely a matter of preference, and I have friends who prefer to have at least one or two out of the home activities each day. I would rather keep our outings to a minimum. It gives the kids ample rest at home, and it allows our lives to be centered around the simple joys of home. Right now the girls are in ballet class and AWANA. Those are our two weekly activities. Every three weeks we also attend story hour at the library and select a new round of books to check out. Occasionally we might also head to the free art class at the museum. My choice – because it is simpler, quieter, and “homier” is to base activities from home. Cross-country skiing in the yard, a walk, games on the floor, a craft project, a messy baking endeavor… I love planning creative ways to enjoy our life at home together.

Learn to Say No

I think it is so important for our children to see us serve. They need to have servanthood modeled for them – both as we selflessly serve them, and as we reach out to others. But, we have to balance opportunities for service carefully. I have chosen to serve as the Cubbies leader in our AWANAs program. It works well for us because the kids are a part of the program, and Erik is available to care for Raina. On the other hand, I just told our nursery coordinator I wasn’t willing to serve on Sunday mornings until Raina is down to one nap. We keep all three kids in the service with us, and Raina naps very well in my arms. I wasn’t willing to “mess with” my daughter’s nap in order to play with other kids. Maybe that seems silly – but for me, choosing where to serve is a lot about whether I can take on that responsibility without creating a deficit in my kids’ lives. My family is first. So – when the opportunity is a meal to a shut-in or new mama, we say emphatically “yes!” When it is notes to our Compassion children – you bet! But when something conflicts with my family priorities, I am learning to say “Not now.”

Clean As You Go

For me, this is important. If I leave the breakfast dishes until dinner, that is overwhelming to me! Or if the laundry is stacked to the ceiling, I want to close the door on it instead of tackling it. I try to clean up each mess as it is made – with the kids’ involvement as much as possible. Sometimes I do leave a big mess until they are napping. It’s easier. But I try to tackle it, then, as soon as they are all down.

I have a basic cleaning routine where all the “majors” should get done once a week. For me, it is more important to have a tidy, welcoming home than to have a spotless one. I would prefer to light clean the bathrooms once a week rather than letting the grime build up until I have time to deep clean. I want our home to be prepared for hospitality at any time – and right now that means sort of “majoring on the majors and minoring on the minors.” I don’t clean my grout with a toothbrush, but I do wipe down the bathroom with my handy Norwex cloths once a week. I don’t vacuum the ceiling, but I do dust and keep the floors vacuumed. I feel more peaceful and efficient in an organized home. I am also learning to relax and let certain things go.

Read to Your Kids

Stories are calming. When you sit down to nurse the baby and the older kids clamor for attention, tell them to grab a book and cozy up with you. When they fuss at the witching hour of 5:00, grab a basket of books and let them read while you cook. Books are sort of magical in our house.

Guard Against Time Wasters

Time with our kids is precious. And so is the time when they sleep and we recover! :) I am learning to use that time carefully. I don’t turn the computer on until they are all napping or resting. And I give myself only about 5-10 minutes to check emails or blogs. It is too easy to sit down and waste those moments in idleness, instead of caring for my household, spending time with the Lord, or preparing for the evening. And certainly the Internet isn’t the only temptation, but I know it is often the easiest to fall prey to. And, obviously it isn’t inherently bad. It’s wonderful to stay connected that way. But it shouldn’t prevent us from faithfully serving our families.

Love and Hug Your Kids

Sometimes when my kids are naughty, my instinct is not to give them a warm, cuddly snuggle. But that’s when they need it most! Elisa is so intuitive. She has nailed this – often. “Mommy, I just haven’t gotten enough hugs today. That’s why I can’t be good.”

Hug them often and relish their smallness. They are growing so fast. Elisa is so tall and lean and grown up these days. Her hair hangs down her back and she is just this amazing GIRL – no longer a pudgy toddler. But she’ll still nestle gladly in my lap and I am thankful.

Enjoy this season. Live in the moment – all the clichés that are true in spite of themselves. :)

Erin also asked me about how we prepare for Christmas. I am running out of time, as the kids will be up soon, but will share briefly. Our preparations center around our Advent Tree Devotions. I love this. We have done it with paper previously, but this year made a felt and fabric version. It’s taken from a book called “Family Celebrations.” Each day has a brief devotion and a corresponding ornament to place on the tree.

I also have spent time creating a list of projects and activities to do with the girls: gingerbread houses, cookies, homemade cards, homemade candy canes, spice ornaments for grandparents, loaves of bread to deliver to neighbors… I scheduled those loosely on our calendar. Christmas music as lullabies – the girls love “Angels We Have Heard on High!” Christmas stories accessible in a basket downstairs. Choosing an ornament together from the church’s Noel tree – a gift for someone in need. All simple things, but trying to make each day meaningful in a small way.

We don’t “do” Santa – for a variety of reasons. We want everything about our celebration to speak of Jesus, and Santa - who, by the way, only gives gifts to GOOD children(totally opposite our gracious God who gave His Son while we were yet sinners) - muddles that message. Another great book helps with this. Lisa Whelchel wrote a book called the ADVENTure of Christmas that explains how each Christmas tradition can be a springboard for sharing the true message of Christmas. Awesome.

Messy kitchen as we make a gingerbread house. It tumbled a few hours later as we decorated, so we'll have to try again. :)

Constant state of our living room as wet clothes dry by the fire

Advent tree


Our real tree :)

Little Sadie Girl, you are as beautiful as a pearl....

Sadie turned three today. Three years has gone so quickly! My sweet, complacent, slow-to-move and quick-to-talk baby has morphed into this amazing, wonderful little girl!
Sadie has always been incredibly verbal. She has spoken so plainly and understood things so well for so long that we have sometimes been tempted to forget that she is still so small. She is bright and has a quirky sense of humor - she knows when she is funny and oh, how she laughs! She is a typical peacemaking middle child in that she is almost always generous to a fault. She will gladly give away anything - including all of her new birthday presents. :) She is such a helper. She jumps up to help even before the request is all the way out of my mouth, and she takes smiling pride in a job well done. She is full of questions and attentive to every conversation around her. She is musical and loves to dance. She is always singing through life - little sweet diddies she makes up about whatever is happening. She is not very artistic otherwise - she doesn't draw very well, although she enjoys painting and "projects." Like her big sister, she compares life to stories constantly - remembering lines and scenes from books and seeing how they relate to what is happening in her own life. She is slow and whimsical and dreamy and likes to "stop and smell the roses." And she smells them with a very keen little nose, I might add. She has an uncanny sense of smell. :) She is complimentary and quick to offer thanks for any act of kindness. She does have a tendency to scream and cry when big sister sins against her - not often retaliating, just crying for mommy to rescue her. We are working on that! She also has a penchant toward general fearfulness - of cats and dogs and cars, in particular. Also working on that. :)

She got to have a party with 10 other little girls on Thursday morning. We had handmade paper dolls with fabric dresses to decorate, and everyone got to mix their own loaf of cranberry bread to take home. The girls had so much fun baking! Then, a princess tea and yummy pumpkin cupcakes. Sadie loved being sung to by her friends.

Today, traditional cinnamon rolls and a birthday crown for breakfast - and presents to open from family. Church, and then homemade pizza and ice cream with G and G Wachob. They gave her cross-country skis, and Nana gave her a new snow coat and pants, so we tested out those gifts in the yard. Not much snow, but the girls had a blast skiing anyway! Sadie was a natural. We are so excited for family ski days again this winter. :)

We love our little munchkin to pieces. Happy Birthday, Sadie Pearl!

Pretty ready for nap by the time we finished skiing - and getting very silly. :)



And even sillier!

Pretty little girls - this one is for G.G. and Deb, to see Sadie in her new clothes.



Getting lots of help from sister to open presents.

Waiting for friends to arrive at the party


Baking princesses

Snow Week

Ahhh... the first snow of the year! Welcome winter! :)

Grace

The Greek word usually translated "grace" is charis. A year or so ago, I came upon the following definition in a Bible study I was doing at the time.That which affords grace, joy, pleasure, delight, kindness, sweetness, charm and loveliness. And - The merciful kindness of God, by which He exerts His holy influence on our souls, keeps, strengthens and increases us in faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles us to the exercise of the Christian virtues. I loved that definition. In fact, I loved it so much I wanted to name Raina, Charis Abigail. Erik vetoed it. :)

During the last few years, as I have faced my own sinfulness as a mother, and sought the Lord's mercy and His wisdom to grow and change, I have read a lot of books, and sifted through a lot of philosophies and streams of parenting thought. And it is this word - Charis - that has become my own simplified parenting mission.

My little girls - as sweet and funny as they are - are sinners. They need God's grace! They can't obey God's law. So, they need a Savior. They hear that message from my lips dozens of times each day. ( "Elisa, can you obey Mommy perfectly on your own?" "No, Mommy." "Can Mommy obey Jesus perfectly on her own?" "No." "You're right. Both of us are sinners. But who obeyed perfectly?" "Jesus!" )And Jesus - in His beautiful, matchless, overwhelming kindness - died on the cross in the stead of lost sinners like my little girls and me. That's the first part of grace. Jesus, taking on our sins, and restoring our relationship to the Father by his sacrificial death. Jesus - loving us in our sinful state and reaching out to us in love - before we loved Him. Offering a free gift of salvation to those who believe.

The second part of grace is the engracing of the Holy Spirit in the lives and hearts of believers. God's grace is at work in the hearts of Christians - enabling us to walk in His ways - to turn from sin - to do the work He has given us. So my girls hear that message, too. Elisa has professed a belief in Christ. She asked Jesus to come into her heart - unprompted - a few months ago. And, while we don't necessarily assume her salvation - we do talk to her in such a way that we validate her choice. So - when she sins (which is often, believe me!:)), the line of questioning continues. "You can't obey on your own. But who can help you obey?" "Jesus." "Let's ask him to help you obey Mommy better (or act more kindly, or consider your sister above yourself, or have gentle hands or whatever)." And we pray.

I'm not explaining this well - but basically our philosophy of discipline and training boils down to teaching our girls those two aspects of grace. The glorious Gospel of Jesus Christ's shed blood for lost sinners. And the power of Christ to change our hearts and help us walk rightly. On a moment by moment basis, my discipline doesn't always look like that - although I try. Sometimes, I rush up to fighting children, grab the toy or book they are squabbling over and say in exasperation "If you are going to fight, no one gets it!" And then whirl around with the book over my head. :)

I hope that gentle, consistent discipling of our girls will lead to a decreased need for consequences and correction - but absolutely that need still exists. In our house, the consequence aspect of discipline mostly involves logical behavioral consequences. I don't believe the Bible teaches that all acts of disobedience must be corrected with physical discipline, and we choose to only use spanking when our kids willfully defy other correction. For instance, if I take away the toy as a consequence and Sadie throws a fit, kicks me, and screams. (Thankfully, that doesn't happen too often.) I'm not saying that's the right way to discipline, but it's the way we have prayerfully chosen.

I love my kids. They bring me so much joy. And I am so thankful to the Lord for them - and for how He uses parenting to teach me about His character and His grace. It's amazing. I have so far to go, and I fail so often. But I also love sharing what God is teaching us, so please don't take my words as any indication that I think we have it figured out. We definitely don't.

Here are a few of my personal favorite parenting books:

Shepherding A Child's Heart - Tedd Tripp
Heartfelt Discipline - Clay Clarkson
The Mission of Motherhood - Sally Clarkson (and its sequel The Ministry of Motherhood)
Don't make me Count to Three - Ginger Plowman
Everyday Talk - John Younts (still reading this one. It is awesome!)
Sacred Parenting - Gary Thomas

Enjoying the journey of being a mother - and hoping you are too! (well, if you are a mother, that is!:)